No Shame

No Shame

By Ivorie Nicole

There comes a time where you are going to have to stop caring about what other people think.

Not just the people at work, school, or in public. But the people you call family. 

Through a very difficult and raw emotional journey, I learned that I am responsible for my happiness, my own success and all that revolves around who I allow into my life.

Learning that I need to cut ties with all the things that don’t serve me was hard. There is a delicate balance between learning how to love your loved ones even when what they think is right for you is not what you know is right for you. I had to find understanding in that they only have the best intentions for me and that people fall victim to their own perspective. I found the confidence to know my perspective was my own, my path was my own, my life was my own. I define my life & need to very careful about who I allow to influence my decisions. 

With time and practice, I learned to listen to their advice, learn from their mistakes and  take the knowledge from their stories and apply it where it is appropriate for me. 

During the times their words are not  appropriate for my own alignment I have learned to become confident in making my own decisions and shamelessly make my decision with confidence but I must note, I do my best not to act out of ego. 

For example.

I went to the grocery store last week in a giraffe sleeper in a luxury neighborhood, I had a stressful day and I didn’t want to wear clothes. I wanted comfort, so I created it, shamelessly.

The only thing I wanted to do was cuddle with someone I love and sleep. But unfortunately, life said “Knock! Knock! Ivorie you need to make money & you have a child to raise!” Being stressed out the only thing I could do was put on a giraffe sleeper.

I, a 24-year-old woman wore a giraffe sleeper to the store. I didn’t realize until I got into the store that I wasn’t wearing a bra.

So there I am walking around Whole Foods braless, in a costume, not even a giving a thought because I have no shame in my game.

I walked through the store grabbed a gallon of water, probiotic drink, and a coffee. Smiling as if I was in a pair of red bottoms.

People gave me compliments, some a few smiles, and some with confused stares.

While I was checking out, a sweet nicely dressed lady that was next to me told me that I looked comfortable.

I turned around giving her a very warming smile and said if you knew the day I had, you would understand.

At that moment where our eyes met, we could feel each others pain, tiredness, worry, and unwilling strength to continue.

She said “if only you knew the day I had”
In a few short words, we exchanged encouragement through our own struggles.

She had been in the hospital all day with her mother coming from a long flight from London, where I was staggering through only 3 hours of sleep and preparing for custody trial with my 4-year-old.

We didn’t need to say it, we just felt it, we sensed that we both were fighting a difficult and scary fight; for someone, we love & want more time with.

We were scared, we were tired, and we were longing for someone.

We wished each other the best and said our goodbyes.

Looking back,

I wish I would have given her a hug.

For several years I would have kept my mouth shut & pretended that everything was fine.

For several years I would have only worn clothing that would represent a certain stereotype of how I want to be perceived in society.

I would try to mask the pain and chaos underneath by my words & the clothes on my back.

I was raised to do this.

Isolate & ignore the problem.

In 2013 the movie Frozen came out and everyone knows the famous song “Let it go”.

I was in my second trimester of pregnancy when I saw this movie, I was married and so desperate to escape.

I was sitting in a movie theater next to the man I worked years to mask the abuse that was going on. I realized my lying for him only enabled him more.

Only made him abuse me more, mistreat me more, lie to me more and even cheat on me more. He learned through my strength, that I isolated myself, that I only kept to myself, trying to cover up all the pain he’s caused me.

I was too scared to leave…

I feared people were going to think I was a failure, that people were going to believe his lies, that I would be in a worse place than I was.

I was worried about the SHAME he would bring to me for breaking our vows.

Elsa sang

“Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care what they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway”

My cold anemic limbs from pregnancy were shivering just as much as my heart was. Even though I was sitting right next to the man who vowed to protect me I was frozen.

I was living in isolation, I was living in fear, and it was getting me more and more stuck to myself.

The only answer to warm me & to free me was love… And so it began, my journey. I taught myself to stop caring what people think.

One year later,

I left him with NO SHAME.

I told him the truth, I told my family the truth, and I told his family the truth.

I was scared… No. I was terrified.

I didn’t realize how ugly it was going to get.

The storm I created was a mixture of my silence and the fear of shame.

I was so conditioned to chaos and making sure people saw me as perfect.

There’s no such thing as perfect and there is so much support that exists in this world.

No one can help you if you don’t talk about what’s going on and what you need.

Once I let go of the societal shame. I had to let go of the shame from the family.

I struggle with this to this day.

For so long I was so quiet and due to my silence, I feel that the support and encouragement I need, has been disrupted.

My own family had a difficult time accepting that I didn’t come to them when I was hurting and how well I was at hiding what I was going through.

Isolation is not the answer.

Shame is not the answer.

Shame is the feeling of being something wrong.

Shame is the feeling of not feeling worthy of love.

Shame makes you feel like you’re not good enough.

Let me tell what the answer is, but first…

Shame on those who even begin to plant any seed of doubt in you. 

Trust yourself, trust your gut.
You are worthy of love, you are good enough and you are allowed to make a mistake. You are allowed to make a thousand mistakes. 

Good people make mistakes, it’s where you learn, it’s amazing. What’s poor is when someone deliberately & consciously makes bad decisions; now that’s shameful.

Be shameless but in the most poise of ways.

There is no shame in being honest.

There is no shame in being vulnerable.

There is no shame in being kind.

There is no shame in standing up for yourself.

There is no shame in loving yourself.

But trust that everything is working together on a divine level, just needs to choose to trust, accept, & respond with the good.

So like Elsa says, just let it go.

Let go of what your family thinks is best for you.

Let go of bad habits.

Let go of limiting beliefs.

Let go of toxic people.

Let go of toxic thoughts.

Let go of toxic behaviors.

Stop mistreating people & remember to treat people the way you want to be treated.

Forgiveness is the answer to everything.

Forgiveness will free you from the frozen prison within and help you find peace.

If you can forgive, you can love.

If you can love, you can live shamelessly.

#beshameless #noshame

Spread the word

“Pain is certain, suffering is optional.” – Buddha

Kiss of Life

Kiss of Life

By Ivorie Nicole

There is a powerful 2 ounce muscle resting inside our mouth.

Behind our jaw is the greatest power we can have,

it touches everyone, by touching no one.

It’s our tongue.

Our words, are those who our words effect,

those whose lips we have kissed,

those whose lives we have whispered to.

Reckless words pierce you deep like a sword.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but words will break hearts.

Words can’t hurt me, that’s a lie, words have broken my heart.

Words spoken can haunt you for days, months, even years.

It’s a poison that kills slowly.

A smitten tongue, has a harmful mind; a self hazard.

Just close your mouth.

Sticks and stones may break bones but words will break hearts.

Words can’t hurt me, that’s just a lie, words will break your heart.

The lack of discipline to destroy the little around you, you’ve only betrayed yourself.

Our words hold great power.

Our tongue is the strongest weapon we have.

If you can control your tongue, you can control anything.

Our words have the power to create life and to create death.

You use your words to try to destroy me, to try to torture me, because you’re the one who is destroyed, you’re the one who’s tortured.

Please…

Your daunted words are wounds of your scars in your unspoken heart, not of my own being, but of yours.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will break a heart.

Words can’t hurt me, that’s a lie, words will break a heart.

Please.

The power of our words… they can build they can destroy, they can change us.

Use your tongue to heal and to love.

Your wounds are my wounds.

It’s not about winning or losing,

It’s never the problem against us, it’s us against the problem.

It’s not about who is right,

it’s not about who is wrong.

It’s not about who wins,

its’ not about who loses.

I am not your enemy,

I am for you, but you are so quick to destroy.

Please, speak solemnly.

It is the ultimate lie that words can’t hurt.

Your life of all material, all personal, & all beloved will die with your lie.

Please, speak less.

Even though you’ve hurt me, I don’t want you to hurt me anymore.

” We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less” – Diogenes

With love, Miss Ivorie.

Janus, Erase me.

Janus, Erase Me.

By Ivorie Nicole

In Roman religion Janus is an animistic spirit of doorways, a symbol for transition.

For so long every where I went reminded me of you.

Every song, every sound & every situation.

Every place good or bad.

Every meal I ordered & even every outfit I wore was haunted by the ghost of you.

I was to focused on being loyal and loving you through your pain that I pained myself.

I talked so much sense to you that I lost my own damn mind.

Now I’m not one to blame but damn,

you made me a hazard to myself.

So loyal to you I betrayed myself, so in love with you I stopped loving myself.

& you just left me crying on the cold hard floor.

It wasn’t until that moment I released I was the one who needed to stand because that floor was as cold as your heart, you didn’t even offer me your hand. 

You just opened the door & told me to go.

They say that every end is a new beginning that when one door closes another door opens. 

You paralyzed me into thinking that I’m an issue and that any door I open will only be a trick door leading me to no where. 

It’s a living hell when I can’t erase you from my mind.

So Janus, I’ve realized it’s impossible to say goodbye to you. 

So I’m not saying goodbye,

I’ll never erase you. I love you. 

Those moments of time will forever exist, I can’t change that, I can’t change what we were but I can change a few things, 

Janus, it’s time to let you go, 

People like you make me realize that

It’s true some are just incapable of love. 

I’ll embrace you being gone and cherish the time we had. 

I’ll love you for what you taught me and I’ll love you for letting me go. 

Your life is going somewhere I don’t belong & my life is going somewhere you don’t belong. 

As much as I want you there, you’re not supposed to be so it’s time to say so long my love. 

I love you, but I love myself more & I have to look at my reflection forever so, so long my love. 

Spread the word

” Learn to let go – this is the secret of happiness. In the end, only three things matter: how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” – Buddha

With love, Miss Ivorie.

Like a Rose

Like a Rose

By Ivorie Nicole

The blood in my veins run red like a rose. 

Don’t get to close, for I have more thorns than a single rose.

All you see is the beautiful red velvet shape of a heart,

you won’t even notice red blood dripping from your flesh.

Cut by my thorn until you’ve picked me from my garden, just to let me die.

Buddha once said: 

 “if you like a flower, you just pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it daily.”

Don’t like me, love me.

Or leave me alone & let me grow  in my own garden.

If I can learn anything from a rose,

it is resilience.

For even when I am dying, my wilt will return to a bloom.

But, don’t get to close for I have more thorns than a single rose.

Once picked, I cannot re-bloom but I can only wilt.

All you see is a red velvet shape of a heart, 

a heart you want to carry,

a heart you want to cherish, 

to love, 

to honor.

By the time you’ve realized it, my thorns will have cut the flesh of your delicate skin. 

I didn’t ask you to pick me or to like me, 

I asked you to let me grow in my own garden. 

I asked you to love me.

I cannot live with out my soil.

I love you but in order to love you I must be me.

Alone, alongside of you.

Let me grow through my seasons, for my roots can entangle with yours if we choose to grow together.

Spread the word

Self-love is not selfish; you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself. 

With love, Miss Ivorie.